Nicholas
02-12-1989
MSN - weltail@hotmail.com
~ Weltail ~

Designer: Sillyclock
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1. Mp-3 Player
2. New LIFE!
3. Laptop
4. Quit Smoking

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Alvin
Chai Lin
Cherrie Mei
Charmaine Mei
Claudius
My Facebook
My Friendster
Shota
Yi Hao
Zhi Hui
Zhong Hwee

September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
December 2008
February 2009
April 2009
May 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009

Ok, this is official. I cant sleep at night! That is not with a lack or trying. i just seem to keep waking up an hour or so.. cant take it! hais. plus falling sick..

Reality really sucks big time. Just one mistake and POOF! my life is going down the drain. Guess everything is really going bye bye. hais. I really am starting to lose my mind now. Really dont know what to do anymore. Guess i should be happy that i can celebrate my birthday outside, but Christmas is going to be in there so cant celebrate. So from now until 17 dec, i guess i should treasure the time well. NS will also have to be postponed. hais.

i wish i wish for everything to end.

I'm so disappointed and pissed at myself. These past 3 weeks since school started and i have only been there three times the most. hais. Why am i like this? Why cant i complete something? Why is my will power so weak?! At night i cant sleep then in the morning sleep then cant wake up in time for school. Classmates are also so disappointed. Guess they will change project teams and i dont blame them for doing so. hais. Why cant i change for the better?! I keep promising myself that i would change, i would do this and that, but i cant! I never seem to be able to do anything right. hais.

I hate myself and my life.

I cant trust anyone.
Everyone is either lying or covering for someone who is lying.
This world is fucked up!

Everything has been shitty for me this year. On top of that, still thinking of the past. I want to go back but that would not be possible. hais. Wish there was a way.

Got my NS enlistment letter today. Jan 4th 2010, Tekong, School 1. hais. Thats good but i cant complete my studies. Guess i can only hope that the school will allow me to pause and continue when my NS is over. hais. Hope so.

Current PES is "C". I want to upgrade to at least PES "B". I know that i will get 1 more week of BMT, but i rather have that then to be unfit for combat training lor. I hate PES "C" ( UNFIT for COMBAT TRAINING ). I want to be fit for combat training, I also am fit for combat training lor! Just that, during the medical screening, my hand was fractured, then become PES "C". hais.

At the same time i dont want to because of getting PES "A" or "B" then get posted to school 2 or some other place. I want school 1 because it has more chances of getting into OCS. hais.

So many problems.

Is it possible to fully get over the past? Because i dont think it is ever possible to fully forget or even put the past behind us. Some how it will come back in a way and all the feelings that you have tried to bury comes rushing back. Why cant i get over the past? Am i even trying? Or deep down do i even want to put it behind?

hais. Life is full of complications. When will i ever see a straight path in my life?

The song playing right now is by The Beatles called "Yesterday". Its an old old old song, but i feel like that right now. The whole song is really how i feel now. Wonder if anyone knows what i am talking about. hais.

Worried. But what can i do? Nothing but to sit at the side lines looking in. hais.

Fuck my internet speed la!!! fucking piss!!! is it my internet connection or the bloody fucked up network?! why starhub so fucking lousy?! why my parents so stupid to chooose it?!! fucked up internet speed. want to play game or watch shows also cannot.. cb!